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| Allow me to be serious, for a moment... |
On my Facebook News Feed, a friend of mine shared a post from one of those "internet think tank" websites. I am reluctant to read random works put on random websites I never knew before, however I have a vested interest in that particular field, so I decided to check it out. The title explains what it is about, and the link will take you to the site; the following paragraphs is just my response and opinions. Again, if you are younger than eighteen, I suggest you check with your parents/guardian first, and once they give the "all clear" you can read it.
My stomach shudders in terror for two things: That McDonald's chicken wrap I ate three years ago outside Worcester, Massachusetts, and whenever I am guilty about something I did wrong. My story about my lone visit to McPuke's in five years must wait for another time, because this is a more pressing matter.
After reading Mr. Jared Wilson's checklist, I felt a huge amount of guilt and dread. I did equally huge amounts of dirt and drudgery in my past, and most of it when I thought no one was around, or none would notice. I was less worried about measuring up to Mr. Wilson's standards, although they are really high! I won't complain though; it's nice to see a father taking an interest in the Christian life of young men, as they must really love God first. I am more worried about not measuring up to God's standards, since He already knows I'm failing miserably o_O, and why I feel as upset about my shortcomings as I do.
"Why am I not doing that NOW?"
I don't want to do fulfill each of these goals so I can "appear good" or to "buy my way out of living in fear". If I am a Christian dude, then what is important to God and important with the "Mr. Wilson" you encounter should be important to me. Anyone and everyone can see if I'm keeping up appearances, and not living a life of repentance (does that make sense? o_O). Also, I know fulfilling the checklist means nothing, and doesn't guarantee any reward, pat on the back, parade through the streets of Toronto, or get my number retired at the Air Canada Center. What I should desire is clarity, peace of mind, and the ability to look at my friends and mentors in the eye and tell them what's up, and that only comes from God.
There were many times in the past, when I would seek after "Mr. Wilson's daughter" (Not literally, but I'm going by examples) or rather "God's daughter" (Most definitely and literally), and become very discouraged at my lack of...progress. In those weak moments, there are quick fixes everywhere, and some are available at the press of a button, or even at a click of a mouse. Even at twenty-nine years of age and after thirty Valentine's Days, those battles every dude encounters still rage within me, and I do the best I can with those: Praying, reading the Bible, play/practice music, write, go out, play games, or just stay busy (The younger me would say 'go on Facebook and spam your friends', but I found if you aren't careful you can be bit by the jealousy bug and make things worse). I like to say I'm doing alright, but it can be very difficult at my age, so there is no shame in me asking for a little prayer or help.
I am a little disappointed in some of the comments left behind by other readers trying to suit God's Word to their opinions. Instead of coming to terms with how they feel, they make up excuses in vain attempts to discredit the Word in order to write off the guilt. Please, don't be that guy: That is a warning something you are up to is not what you should be doing, and it is only a matter of time before it destroys you.
"Why am I saying this to you NOW?"
Right now, I am thinking about someone I know (You don't know her, I think? o_O). We are friends, however when I do think about her, I think about my relationship with God first, where that stands, and what my relationship with her might look like if I go for it...! She deserves the best, so I pray I can be the best person I can, but only in the eyes of God. It will not be perfect, plus those "inner battles" will never go away; I want a strong vertical relationship, for that strengthens my horizontal relationships. I felt this way about where I am standing and how I should be standing for a long time; I had this idea longer than I knew who she was, but I couldn't really put it into words like this.
Some things to think about, because I can only make so much sense (which isn't a lot o_O):
- The second book of Samuel, twelveth chapter from the BIBLE
- Covenant Eyes, Accountability and Filter Report Website thingy...?
- Go go Gadget Brain!
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