Hello,
Last year was very difficult for me personally as well as relationship-wise, filled with disappointment and some angry moments. Through it all, I could always count on my faith, and the love and support from my family, friends, and the positive responses from YOU in 2012. We accomplished many things this past year: From completing the MUSIC CHALLENGE, to learning new instruments, and from returning to filmmaking, to playing Mahjong for the first time! :D So much accomplished, yet so much left before us.
Thank you so much for sticking with me as I shared my battles, experiences, hopes, dreams, nightmares, and reports about my life. The blog posts trailed off in past months due to personal matters (good and bad), nevertheless I hope to share them with you as I work them out, and things get easier to handle here. Receiving a heart from internet star +Brittani Taylor on Twitter does wonders for the spirit, too, but that is just one example of all the support you gave me this year. God bless each and every one of you, and may you have a blessed and prosperous 2013 ^_^
God bless,
Phil
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Salute to South America
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| Boy, that's pretty ^_^ That's CUTE! That's COOL! |
I can't remember if I thanked the lovely Spanish speaking peoples of those countries for their hospitality and wonderful scenery. Actually, one of more humourous stories I heard on the trip is what a local Chilean dude told me when we stopped at Puerto Varas. He said in Spanish, "Un chico guapo como usted debe saber que Puerto Varas es el lugar de nacimiento de las mujeres!"
"Umm," I paused, "Interesting...?"
Monday, December 17, 2012
This Blog Presents Making Presents
I stood in the Wal-Mart arts and crafts aisle for twenty minutes last week and stared at pages of card stock, glitter containers, glue sticks, lace borders, stencil kits, coloured pencils, and paint brushes. I envisioned earlier that day I could make a gift, and inspiration and ability would just flow from my hands onto the page, and this gift would be the most fantastic present any person could ever receive ^_^ Instead, as I stood while dozens of shoppers flew around me, I realized that...
"I'm in BIG trouble."
It was years since I last constructed a present for someone that wasn't my mother. Sidenote: Bill Cosby was right; Moms love whatever you make for them. That is why boys and girls go crazy saving money and buying exquisite and wonderful presents for their mothers ^_^ I think that's cool! Something happens, though, when you have to get something for Dad. From my experience and what what I learned they usually get a candy bar, a golf putter, maybe some golf balls, an afternoon out to a sports bar or restaurant, and more often than not a phone call from their kids. Where am I going with this again? Oh yeah, making gifts. If you were small and you made something for your parents, then you probably remember running home to show them what you made, yet more than that you can't forget how happy you felt when you gave it to them.
I made a round brown paper cutout, and in is I pieced together a family portrait of the five of us out of colourful bits of construction paper and clear orange primary school glue (Elmer's wasn't released to the public schools until two years later, so we settled for clear glue that came in a clear plastic bottle with a spout that look like lipstick. I gave it to Dad, and he kept it in his work office for the next twenty years. He now keeps it on the sofa in the master bedroom ^_^ It is a weird little thing; I drew glasses on my Dad's face, and I have a black rectangular piece of grade C paper for hair.
Fast forward twenty-five years and now I'm doing almost the same thing for someone else, without any clue of how I should start o_O There are ways around this creative conundrum that don't involve brick laying or glue that doesn't stick (Oh, the stories I could tell about Elmer's Glue). You can author a poem, write a song, bake a cake, mix a CD, generate a YouTube playlist (maybe), or paint a picture ^_^ What is more, if your heart is in the right place, then I'm sure that special someone will appreciate it all the more. Plus, it will be a complete SURPRISE! Unless, you told that person already o_O ...I'm sure they will love it ^_^
If you have a story you don't mind sharing, feel free to leave it in the comments below!
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| Don't wait until it's the LAST MINUTE. Set aside time to MAKE that PERFECT gift ^_^ |
It was years since I last constructed a present for someone that wasn't my mother. Sidenote: Bill Cosby was right; Moms love whatever you make for them. That is why boys and girls go crazy saving money and buying exquisite and wonderful presents for their mothers ^_^ I think that's cool! Something happens, though, when you have to get something for Dad. From my experience and what what I learned they usually get a candy bar, a golf putter, maybe some golf balls, an afternoon out to a sports bar or restaurant, and more often than not a phone call from their kids. Where am I going with this again? Oh yeah, making gifts. If you were small and you made something for your parents, then you probably remember running home to show them what you made, yet more than that you can't forget how happy you felt when you gave it to them.
I made a round brown paper cutout, and in is I pieced together a family portrait of the five of us out of colourful bits of construction paper and clear orange primary school glue (Elmer's wasn't released to the public schools until two years later, so we settled for clear glue that came in a clear plastic bottle with a spout that look like lipstick. I gave it to Dad, and he kept it in his work office for the next twenty years. He now keeps it on the sofa in the master bedroom ^_^ It is a weird little thing; I drew glasses on my Dad's face, and I have a black rectangular piece of grade C paper for hair.
Fast forward twenty-five years and now I'm doing almost the same thing for someone else, without any clue of how I should start o_O There are ways around this creative conundrum that don't involve brick laying or glue that doesn't stick (Oh, the stories I could tell about Elmer's Glue). You can author a poem, write a song, bake a cake, mix a CD, generate a YouTube playlist (maybe), or paint a picture ^_^ What is more, if your heart is in the right place, then I'm sure that special someone will appreciate it all the more. Plus, it will be a complete SURPRISE! Unless, you told that person already o_O ...I'm sure they will love it ^_^
If you have a story you don't mind sharing, feel free to leave it in the comments below!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Loneliness: Explaining It Away?
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| Phil, it's time to come clean about one of your greatest fears |
This entry sat in my drafts folder for years; I edited this three times, deleted twice, restored five times, and almost published...six times. Everything here looks detached and incomplete, but that's the way my life is with respect to loneliness. I wish I could filter all these, but now that I'm thirty there doesn't seem to be much point anymore...
- I wish I could explain away the loneliness with some convenient fact of life: "Phil is sterile, and that's why he's single!" They would say. How angry Phil would be, and how vile, uncaring, cynical, jealous and apprehensive he would become if that is true?! He spent his life wishing, hoping, praying, and preparing to be the best man possible, and all he can hear is the laughter echoing throughout his head. To be in the same room with him upon that very moment is taking one's life in their hands. Suddenly, Phil is angry...
- Twice people mistook me for being married, and I wasn't wearing jewelry in both instances. The second time was at a wedding, but the first time this happened a guest speaker came to our church to give a sermon, and before the service he asked me why I didn't come to church with my wife? That was a short conversation. I was angry because I had no answer for why my life was at that moment, and instead of setting that question aside I reacted, and that was wrong, and I'm sorry. Admittedly, that feeling returns every time a younger man tries to rub my nose in it, tells me I lack patience, or asks why I'm not participating in the garter toss. To be honest, it all but ended some really good friendships with people I really care about, and that sucks...
- It is true that I am socially awkward: Did you ever attend a "couples only" wedding? Not all are by accident, you know; in those rare cases, it isn't "all in your head". It's not explicit or laid out with airport runways and emergency flares, but once you are there, and the only empty chair in the gallery is the one next to you it's too late. You hang out by the hors d'oeuvres table or by the column in the corner of the hall outside the reception, however it makes no difference at all. You feel the ridicule and embarrassment, see every glare your way, how they laugh behind your back, and hear every whisper as they curse you out among their friends for being "that loner" or "some stupid wedding crasher". Minutes before the reception, you are on your way home because you have a "bad headache", which sounds more believable than a "broken heart"...
- No man is an island, so this hurts my family, friends, and those who really know me well; they watched me break down and cry. I made pathetic and vain attempts to solve the problem with ridiculous stuff and quick fixes, only to feel worse with each passing day. Even now, there are times when I can't look at my Facebook news feed; I shut down my Facebook two years ago, because if I did not take time out and do other things, then I would lose complete control. This is not a solution, rather it was the best I could do at that time. I remember people, places, moments, and emotions; while the references and word and picture associations are helpful, it means I have difficulty trusting people. You know things are at their worst when you ask, "If I'm not worth it, how much more is it worth going forward?" Don't go there. Do not go there...
This is a hurt, confused, and angry human being with a long list of wants and very few needs. With many moods come many explanations and attempts to rationalize what he does not understand. He could never explain what is happening to his life, so how much more could he explain it coherently to someone else? This is what could happen when you "lean on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5-6 NASB). That is from a portion of Scripture many memorize growing up, but many more have difficulty living out in any facet of life. What does it mean to live for something other than a change of relationship status or to feel pride at a wedding reception hall? The best answer I could give is to live according to His will, and serve others with pure, tried and tested heart (1 Chronicles 28:9 NASB). If you commit to a life with a focus not on you, and ask God in prayer for wisdom so not to feel confused or angry, eventually the long list of needs decreases and the very few wants become insignificant (Proverbs 16:3 NASB, and James 1:5 NASB). How can all this be, and how could such a hurt individual go to God like that? Only through Jesus His Son can hope and life come to the defeated and broken. To refuse or deny Jesus is equivalent to saying "You are here and then gone as "spilled carbon", and no one outside of this vast, boundless, and expanding universe cares about something so trivial as a life like yours." Don't go there. Do not go there...
That's about it. I wrote this for me, in case I ever need to return to this page. After looking at what I wrote, I might need to return here many times o_O
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Evidence of Work
I decided to return to one of my first passions: Filmmaking ^_^
No, I'm not shooting a cinematic epic with a blockbuster film company with a billion dollar budget, instead I'm filming some short films and uploading them on YouTube. This is some of what I have so far:
No, I'm not shooting a cinematic epic with a blockbuster film company with a billion dollar budget, instead I'm filming some short films and uploading them on YouTube. This is some of what I have so far:
My First Video
My First Video w/ Puppets
My First Video w/ tweezers o_O
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