Backwoods Baseball, Part 1

I play baseball three times last week, each game for a different league in and around my hometown. My third game last week, however, was not in a usual, well lit part of suburbia, but out in the agricultural, rolling hills, and backwoods of Canada without the banjos.

First, there is my hometown of Mississauga, then a little west of there is Oakville, Burlington, and then a town called Guelph. This game I was about to participate in started almost immediately after work ended, so I not only had to get my gear from home and change clothes, I had a fair amount of driving to do. I'm a product of the 1990s, so when I need directions on how to arrive at a destination I print them out on 8.5"x11" paper, place the directions on the seat next to me, and drive the route the direction tell me to travel. No GPS, no ambient female voice telling me I made a wrong turn, and no room for error!

The major road to the diamond is a "line": The Guelph Line. Effectively, it's the border between urbanization and suburbia, and agriculture and secluded, sleepy towns like Lowville, Churchville, and Inglewood. Like the childhood home of NFL quarterback and future hall-of-famer Brett Favre, you can't find "Kilbride" on a conventional map. Google found "Kilbride Park", which is behind the elementary school, but Google believes the road to Kilbride is a straight line. Ladies and gentlemen, the Guelph Line is not a straight line; it's a border, and borders are never simple.

I took many slights and curves to stay on the Guelph Line burning the last of precious gasoline as I left, obeying traffic signs, and annoying the locals behind my automobile by doing so. I wasn't lost - I was...taking my time. As the clock indicated, throughout my journey through the Ontario backwoods, I had to put the pedal to the metal, yet it was during the many twists and turns I discovered I was only halfway to my destination when I arrived at Twiss Road (no pun intended).

Guelph Line & Twiss Road: I reached a cross roads. As the little Chief Engineer Scotty cackled in my head that "the engines aren't going to last much longer!", I eyed the little Esso gas station across the street. There was no telling how much longer the journey would last, and there was only enough gas left over for a few more kilometres.

If I get gasoline for the car, I would be late for the game. If I drove on ahead, I could be lost in the Ontario underbrush and thickets armed with baseball bats and a Los Angeles Dodgers hoody I purchased from the online store for $51 after discount.

What would I do? What would I do?

Dat Voice: My Life and The Four Seasons

We had a radio station that played nothing but oldies music when I grew up. Those were good times.

Actually, I tuned it to Oldies 1150 AM out of Hamilton, and 1050 Chum from Toronto, and from there I bounced back and forth. Every Sunday, Oldies 1150 would play nothing but Elvis Presley from 8am to 9am, and then nothing but Beatles music the following hour. That was some sweet music to listen to as you're putting on your Sunday best, leaving your room, being told by Mom and Dad (mostly Dad) to wear something else, returning to your room to change, and trying again.

I did have one pet peeve with Oldies radio stations: Mmm-bop music. At least four times a day, I could count on both radio stations to play The Four Seasons, and each time I could feel my eardrums liquify under the mind-numbing shrill. I'm sure Frankie Valli is a nice guy, and the Four Seasons are a lovely bunch of guys, but the plastic mmm-bop music of the fifties drove me insane. Why is my foot tapping to "Sherry"? Since when could I sing the words to "Big Girls Don't Cry"? Why do I love what I hate so much?! AHH!



Perhaps I should write a 50's mmm-bop song to exorcise my childhood demons? At least I would become part of the madness that engulfed my pre-teen to teenage years, and my song would live in the memory and liquified eardrums of another young soul.

"Sheerrrr-rrrrrr-rrryyyy ba-aa-by, Sheeerrrryyy, won't you come out tonight...? Oops, turn off speech to document application...!"

As you can see, I'm a tad conflicted, if not confused. Some of my fondest memories growing up revolved around Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons: My first day at high school, my first car, driving to the Dairy Cream to hang out with friends are all great times and the "Jersey Boys" were involved in some way. Maybe mmm-bop music isn't all bad; compared to today's stuff, I would prefer the Four Seasons for its originality, harmonies, and lack of auto-tuned wackiness.

Play it again, Frankie ^_^ Wait, what did I say? o_O

Speaking of music, I launched another YouTube channel this spring. I upload nothing but music videos on it, and so far the reception was pretty good. It's called "Philhazmusic", and if you click on the link it will take you to the channel page where you can listen to what I posted so far and SUBSCRIBE for more updates. It's not on the level of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, unfortunately, but I hope you enjoy it.