Perspective, Roller Skates, and Free-Market Capitalism

A friend of yours from church discovered your dark secret. Instead of spending dozens of dollars at the shopping mall buying the latest, trend setting tops, unusually coloured trousers, and buckled shoes your friends Davin and Bekah like so much, you drive to almost the middle of nowhere, put down a few bucks, and enjoy four hours of... Roller Derby! 😲

Now, before you do your bad Cybermen impression, and "Deny! Deny! Deny!" Let's remember one thing: You're on film. 😮 💭 You're the goofy fan in the top row of the bleachers chowing on the tuna fish sandwich!

Yes, your secret is just broke loose and is the lead jammer, and now they're looping around on its first pass. You can be embarrassed, take a penalty, and sit out the next thirty seconds as your friends and onlookers berate you in a "power jam", or... THINK OF THE BOOK SALES!

For the first time since forever, you have the floor, and going outside to take in some family sports entertainment is a normal and neutral activity! Besides, you were surprised anyone made it that night...

You know, because it was the rookie team's second bout of the season, and they didn't lose by as many points as they did in their first game two weeks ago. #99 really improved their game and took no penalties, and what a great announcer "Mr. Whistler" is, and look at those buttons you bought last Saturday! You bought three button's with the travel team logo, no, it was two buttons and a keychain for only FOUR dollars, and the last at the register was so nice and she remembered you from the last time you went! 😊

You found there's nothing about which you should feel embarrassment! ☺ In a few minutes, you have a plethora of stories and experiences from which you can draw. 😀 Plus, if you remember enough stories, you can put them in a book, and people might even read them like they're reading this story RIGHT NOW! 😮 ❗ 😃

So, if you're having a bad day, or you need to recount an experience you had, own it with your words and take heart that you learned something. If all else fails, though, THINK OF THE BOOK SALES! 📚 😁

Backwoods Baseball, Part 2

Forsaking the warning signs on my dashboard, I make the turn towards the baseball diamond, unsure of where the road would take me. There are some things a man can replace, such as gasoline, but you cannot barter the trust of one's teammates.

Bounding over a couple of hills like an ant traversing the fringes of a checkerboard patterned tablecloth, my car arrives at another intersection: One path leads back to civilization, while the other heads off into uncharted territory and a playing field. I chose the latter, and in a short while I enter the quaint, unmapped town of Kilbride.

From what I could tell, the only prominent landmarks are a street leading to the main residential area of town, the fire hall that consists of relaxed firefighters enjoying the dusk of a summer day, and the school. The Kilbride Public School, which represents the door out from sleepy town Ontario to the big, busy world, is the place where my baseball dreams of grandeur and heroism lead me. My thoughts, as I pulled into the parking lot, turn to the meter measuring my gasoline, and a pool deep enough for a flea to drown remains. I made it.

Alas, as I find the teammates, a few more straggle in before we begin to wonder aloud: Where is the other team? o_O No sooner does the thought cross our minds then the sound of big motors and pickup trucks pull into the school disturbing the quaint peace of the valley. Their numbers are large, their choice of bats is stellar, their size is towering (well, a few of them, still...! O_O), and the odds are not in our favour.

As the game progresses the score gets wider, the breaks are beating us, and the grounders are a little further away from our grasp. Finally, the worries about gasoline are the last things I am thinking about as I head to the dugout for the final time after flying out to left field. The misadventure into the lovely town of Kilbride taught me a valuable lesson: Be prepared (DUH!), and what is more to enjoy the journey. If you don't stop to notice the Mom & Pop restaurant, the manicured rose-laden park, the old-time railroad crossings and street lamps, and the strawberry farm along the way then you will wonder how you arrived at your destination, place in life, or age in the first place!

An excursion can last thirty minutes, but the stories within that journey are limitless. ^_^

Backwoods Baseball, Part 1

I play baseball three times last week, each game for a different league in and around my hometown. My third game last week, however, was not in a usual, well lit part of suburbia, but out in the agricultural, rolling hills, and backwoods of Canada without the banjos.

First, there is my hometown of Mississauga, then a little west of there is Oakville, Burlington, and then a town called Guelph. This game I was about to participate in started almost immediately after work ended, so I not only had to get my gear from home and change clothes, I had a fair amount of driving to do. I'm a product of the 1990s, so when I need directions on how to arrive at a destination I print them out on 8.5"x11" paper, place the directions on the seat next to me, and drive the route the direction tell me to travel. No GPS, no ambient female voice telling me I made a wrong turn, and no room for error!

The major road to the diamond is a "line": The Guelph Line. Effectively, it's the border between urbanization and suburbia, and agriculture and secluded, sleepy towns like Lowville, Churchville, and Inglewood. Like the childhood home of NFL quarterback and future hall-of-famer Brett Favre, you can't find "Kilbride" on a conventional map. Google found "Kilbride Park", which is behind the elementary school, but Google believes the road to Kilbride is a straight line. Ladies and gentlemen, the Guelph Line is not a straight line; it's a border, and borders are never simple.

I took many slights and curves to stay on the Guelph Line burning the last of precious gasoline as I left, obeying traffic signs, and annoying the locals behind my automobile by doing so. I wasn't lost - I was...taking my time. As the clock indicated, throughout my journey through the Ontario backwoods, I had to put the pedal to the metal, yet it was during the many twists and turns I discovered I was only halfway to my destination when I arrived at Twiss Road (no pun intended).

Guelph Line & Twiss Road: I reached a cross roads. As the little Chief Engineer Scotty cackled in my head that "the engines aren't going to last much longer!", I eyed the little Esso gas station across the street. There was no telling how much longer the journey would last, and there was only enough gas left over for a few more kilometres.

If I get gasoline for the car, I would be late for the game. If I drove on ahead, I could be lost in the Ontario underbrush and thickets armed with baseball bats and a Los Angeles Dodgers hoody I purchased from the online store for $51 after discount.

What would I do? What would I do?

Two Must Pull Each Arm: An Antarctic Survival Story

I jumped out of the water first. I scampered up the hill of ice as he clawed his way to the crest of the hill where he could stand. Just as he got a foothold, he turned and spotted Leon and Dalton coming up from the water.

“Come on, come on!” I exclaimed, “Get up the hill, hurry!” Leon didn’t need to be told twice, as he was already well in the ascent. Dalton paused  to stare at me with a look of horror in his eyes. There was no time to waste as Greg and Carlton bumped up behind him, and pushed him forward. Poor Dalton, it was his first real swim.

I stood at the little ledge of the hill pointing the others toward where Leon stood catching his breath. Watch the water! Keep count, you fool! There’s Edward. Watch the water! Harry, Allan, Tyrone. Watch the water! Oh no, where is Bill? “Frank, Wendell, you’ll never make it; that side is too steep! Come up this side!” Where is Bill? Stephen, Max. Watch the water! Ulysses, John. Watch the water! Bill, oh, thank heavens, it’s Bill.

Bill hurried up beside me as Roger and Quincy filed past us toward the others. “I have my group; it looked like it had us for a second, but we are alright.” He told me. I nodded, “That’s better than we usually do. Keep an eye on the others, and keep an eye on Dalton; make sure he doesn’t panic.”

Suddenly, Tyrone shouted from the top of the hill. His fin pointed in the direction of the water. Bill and I turned our heads toward the water, and spotted a large black line in the distance. As it neared, the water tailed off on both sides, and the line grew inch by inch, second by second. I ushered Bill up the hill with Xavier, and motioned the brothers Nathan and Oliver away from the sleek ledge Frank tried to scale earlier. Pascal came up from the water, but saw me waving at the brothers; he called the determined pair in his unique and vulgar way, and both immediately hastened towards us. I turned once again at the black fin that rose from the water we swam across in fear and desperation not too long ago. Where I stood wasn’t so safe either, so I waddled up the hill just behind the other three, when Bill screamed from the top. The look in his eyes spelled trouble, and the others around him knew it as well.

“Kevin! Where’s Kevin?!” Bill exclaimed. The count, ye gods, I forgot the count! I forgot to wait for Kevin. I turned and found an injured Kevin paddling in the water ahead of the oncoming black line; his arm was sore from the diving training session we had back home, and in all the panic he injured it again. I could hear him calling me for help as he choked on the water splashing into his throat, but I couldn’t move. The black line, as big as it was, began sinking into the water as it approached our little glacier. The black line. That black line. That small black line. That small black tip.

Kevin was near the edge of the ice flow, when I heard a commotion coming from Bill and the others behind me. As I turned my head, Dalton bumped into me as he slid down to Kevin!

“Dalton, no, it’s too late!” I said.

“Let me go! We can save him!” Dalton argued, pushing away as best he could. The black tip was getting closer to Kevin now, but Kevin couldn’t climb up with his injured arm.

“Dalton, no!”

“Kevin!” Dalton put up a fight, and broke loose! I tried to grab him, but he already slid the rest of the way, and grabbed Kevin’s good arm. At that moment, the black tip behind Kevin disappeared, and the sea slowly became calm. We all stood in silence as the splashing waters receded, and all we could hear was Dalton struggling and Kevin gasping for breath as Dalton pulled his friend out of the water. I could hear Kevin’s words to Dalton.

“Thank you.” He said. Dalton nodded, and they looked at me as they walked up the hill.

I wanted to say something, but I forgot what it was.

Suddenly, the black tip arose from the water revealing the massive whale underneath! Its mouth opened up from out of the water casting a shadow over Dalton, Kevin, and the knob of ice beneath their feet. I heard their screams mere seconds before the mouth of the whale closed down on them and shot pools of water all over me and that half of the ice flow. I fell down on my back and rolled over as the water splashed on me like a waterfall.

I couldn’t hear Kevin. I couldn’t hear Dalton. I couldn’t even hear the whale.

There was a genuine silence for a minute, before I started hearing Pascal screaming at the top of the hill. I looked up and saw Xavier on his stomach, Nathan and Oliver standing in shock, and Wendell walked a couple of steps to the side before vomiting on the snow. Everyone else was crying, but not Bill. No, Bill just tilted his head at me, and shook his head. The tears collected in his eyes, but he didn’t release them. I gulped, stood up, and turned towards the gaping hole in the side of the glacier a few steps away…

“There was nothing you could do.”

“No, if I went with Dalton, we could have pulled up Kevin together. That’s the rule: Two must pull each arm. One penguin pulls one arm, and Dalton pulls the other. Then, they would be here. Instead, I had to tell Mrs. Davidson and Mrs. Kyle when we got home, and Mr. Kyle was there. I saw the Kyle family first, they are such a lovely family. They have four…three kids, three beautiful baby daughters. Kevin said he was going to teach the girls how to swim and catch fish, and once he figures out how to dive properly, he will…?”

“There was nothing…”

“After that, I saw Mrs. Davidson, she lives on the other side of town. It’s just her and Dalton, you know? Well, it’s just Mrs. Davidson now, you see, but I told her that her son…her son is a hero…her son was a hero, but her son…her son isn’t coming home. He’s never coming home again because…because…”

“You found that ice flow. You saved Bill, Wendell, Pascal, Nathan and Oliver, all the others; they understand.”

“No, you don’t understand! The look in their eyes. I saw their eyes; there was so much fear, panic, desperation. They were grasping for life; they were looking at me. They looked to me! They looked at me! Look at me! LOOOOK AT MEEE! Mrs. Davidson looked at me; she looked at me the way Dalton looked at me. They are so alike; the resemblance is uncanny! Do you know what she asked me?! Do you know…what she…said? She asked me ‘what did I do?’ What did I do?! I…I don’t know, Mrs. Davidson, I…couldn’t help your boy…I couldn’t help…I…couldn’t…help…I couldn’t…SAVE THEM! I CAA AA AA…AHH AA AA…AAA…AAAHHH…AH AH AH…AAAAAAHHHHHHH AHH AHHH!”

(picture credit by Jeff Shaw)