Loneliness: Cliches Don't Help Anyone

Happy New Year,

It was never helpful advice, yet over the years people said many of the cliche things about being single. Coincidentally, someone made a video about "Stuff Christian singles hear", and I posted it on my Facebook wall a few months ago.

Sidenote: I made a BINGO card, and in the squares I wrote some of these sayings. I did, however, leave a couple out for the purpose of analyzing them closely.

Do you know who else was single? Timothy...

If I ever say something like that to a young man suffering with loneliness, battling with patience, and on the brink of raging against his beliefs and relenting to sin and guilty pleasure, then stuff me in an automated funny car with no brakes, and force me to drive against traffic during Friday rush hour.

I have no right to disregard his emotions and feelings by comparing an insecure teenage male to one of the principal figures of the early Christian church. In both situations someone said that to me, it was done to shut me up, and focus on who I was not.

My life history is full of stories which
should have ended with me doing such things.

I am aware Timothy and his spiritual mentor, Paul, were single dudes whom God instructed to preach. The history of the kid pouring his heart out to you, however, is not yet completed; who are we to relegate his life concerns? Dudes, please listen to that young man speak before addressing his concerns and praying for him. There may come a time when you shouldn't say anything and just listen; he may need a sounding board to bounce ideas off, and pick the healthy ones from those that are disgusting.

Pray Harder

Nothing says "I don't know what to say to you" more than that statement. Praying for anything, should it be a person, place, or thing, any "harder" will not make it happen or change God's mind. His Holy Spirit determines whether that happens or not (Luke 11:9-13). There are proper and more important things that are essential in every walk of life to ask for in prayer, such as wisdom, discernment, patience, trust, devotion, and understanding. The benefits of using these gifts are in the obedience and adherence with God's will; knowing God's will also comes from reading His Word (Luke 19:11-27).

Therefore, listen to those with concerns, and pray for things they will definitely need in the future, even though they are asking and/or using little bits of it in the present.

That's all I can think about on this subject. Sorry for the unusual break, but the other half is on a different post. I thought it was important enough it deserved to be on another post.

This Blog Presents Making Presents

I stood in the Wal-Mart arts and crafts aisle for twenty minutes last week and stared at pages of card stock, glitter containers, glue sticks, lace borders, stencil kits, coloured pencils, and paint brushes. I envisioned earlier that day I could make a gift, and inspiration and ability would just flow from my hands onto the page, and this gift would be the most fantastic present any person could ever receive ^_^ Instead, as I stood while dozens of shoppers flew around me, I realized that...

Don't wait until it's the LAST MINUTE. Set aside time to
MAKE that PERFECT gift ^_^

"I'm in BIG trouble."

It was years since I last constructed a present for someone that wasn't my mother. Sidenote: Bill Cosby was right; Moms love whatever you make for them. That is why boys and girls go crazy saving money and buying exquisite and wonderful presents for their mothers ^_^ I think that's cool! Something happens, though, when you have to get something for Dad. From my experience and what what I learned they usually get a candy bar, a golf putter, maybe some golf balls, an afternoon out to a sports bar or restaurant, and more often than not a phone call from their kids. Where am I going with this again? Oh yeah, making gifts. If you were small and you made something for your parents, then you probably remember running home to show them what you made, yet more than that you can't forget how happy you felt when you gave it to them.

I made a round brown paper cutout, and in is I pieced together a family portrait of the five of us out of colourful bits of construction paper and clear orange primary school glue (Elmer's wasn't released to the public schools until two years later, so we settled for clear glue that came in a clear plastic bottle with a spout that look like lipstick. I gave it to Dad, and he kept it in his work office for the next twenty years. He now keeps it on the sofa in the master bedroom ^_^ It is a weird little thing; I drew glasses on my Dad's face, and I have a black rectangular piece of grade C paper for hair.

Fast forward twenty-five years and now I'm doing almost the same thing for someone else, without any clue of how I should start o_O There are ways around this creative conundrum that don't involve brick laying or glue that doesn't stick (Oh, the stories I could tell about Elmer's Glue). You can author a poem, write a song, bake a cake, mix a CD, generate a YouTube playlist (maybe), or paint a picture ^_^ What is more, if your heart is in the right place, then I'm sure that special someone will appreciate it all the more. Plus, it will be a complete SURPRISE! Unless, you told that person already o_O ...I'm sure they will love it ^_^

If you have a story you don't mind sharing, feel free to leave it in the comments below!

Prom Night: Twelve Years Later

Just a quick update about life since that PROM experience, which may or may not include since the time I wrote about it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here to read about "My Prom Story".

I need to share this angle not to get sympathy from anyone, but to start a form of dialogue because I know there are many young men (and women) that may benefit from the dialogue and learn there is no shame or condemnation for being in the "Friend Zone". I will not promise "things will get better", nor say "if you have enough boyfriend material, this will happen...", because only you can live out the third or fifth wheel experience where you are, and it is no reflection on your personality or character. I can only share how "My Prom Story" made me the person I am today, and pray you will be a better person than I am.

Every June since that infamous day, whenever I see limousines drive past or PROM photos on my friends' Facebook pages, I would think about it and feel like garbage. In the early days, it was easier to live with because I was a naive young man fresh out of high school, and to quote Boris from Goldeneye (1996) I thought "I AM INVINCIBLE!" As I got older, I had difficulty dealing with those insecurities, and how I dealt with them was destructive.

Lately, writing about my Prom experience, and talking to friends about it feels therapeutic. Of course, I'm visiting those memories on a daily basis now, and you take the good, the bad, and the ugly memories as they come. Surprisingly, I only receive half of the cliche answers I expect when I share my stories, so at least I can count on people to listen, and understand there is a segment of the human population trying to figure things out.

Weddings and I, we...have a history. During the actual ceremony I am alright; in all other associated events, showers, or other engagement parties I am reluctant, reserved, on edge, or I am not there. My attitude and inner turmoil had a significant impact on my friendships: Severing some, and weakening others...(I paused longer than I should have here...someone left raw onions on my desk. I decided to go off topic, and appeal just to the single guy or gal that can't catch a break.)

I believe you are a much better person than I for not going through such a deflating, discouraging, life long experience, so I can only urge you to hang on. I will not promise things will get better, and I will not offer a list of "five things you should do to get girls" like in those idiot Cosmopolitan surveys, because those are not always true. You don't know who is counting on you to stay strong, because in that moment in time you are all they have. Therefore, I urge you to hang on. Please, hang on.

Perhaps the happiest and saddest thing about being me is when I play baseball the sport gives me a license to forget all of that garbage, and allows me to be someone else. I pray before the start of every inning, when I am on the field, and the burden of being "Just Phil" waits for me on the bench. Being single or knowing the love of your life is watching you from the stands should not have any bearing on how you perform in life; those God given talents, and then your drive and determination to use them well determine how great you will become. As long as you trust Him, "miracles" happen.

That's all I can think of right now. My apologies for the abrupt ending, but I have loads left to do, and this took longer than I thought it would o_O