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| Based on a true story; man, is it ever... |
I was at home; I downed one whole 3-Meat Delissio Pizza, drank six litres of soda (2L of cranberry, 2L of lemonade, and 2L of blueberry), polished off one pound of Starburst and Skittles candies, played a couple of hours of FIFA99 on my computer, and spent the rest of the night playing video games on my Nintendo 64 and Dreamcast consoles. To this day, I don't remember how I ended up in bed the next morning.
In high school, or at least I assumed that you had one chance to ask a girl to accompany you to PROM, and once you make your intentions known word would get out like wildfire that you asked a girl, and she gave you an answer. If it was yes, everything was hunky dory ^_^ Sure, if you are a dude, you might be on cloud nine, and dancing down the halls on your tiptoes. However, if she said no, it would be foolish to ask someone else. Not only would you offend the next girl by labeling her "the next girl around", but you would appear desperate in the eyes of everyone: That was my assumption.
I had plenty of work cut out for me, after all: I was loud, off the wall, not as well-mannered as I perceived to be, and HUGE (I typed fat earlier, but hindsight takes off twenty pounds; I was HUGE). I gave the girl I would eventually ask out to PROM every reason to say "No", so when she did the initial shock of rejection wasn't there because I half-expected it. However, when I would play back the rejection in my head against the assumptions I had about high school chivalry and "why you only ask once", I thought every girl in the school knew I was looking for a date, and I thought every girl was stand offish from me for the rest of that week.
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All I wanted was an opportunity to be THAT DUDE in someone's life: Whether it was for one PROM, or for one year in the life of a young woman. I had an ill-conceived notion that I deserved that chance based on my comparison to other people, and rightfully so that chance never materialized. I never lived out my PROM. That's my PROM story.
Although high school now seems incredibly fuzzy in my mind, I certainly would NOT describe you in high school as "loud, off the wall, not as well-mannered as perceived to be, and HUGE".
ReplyDeleteI remember you as loud, yes, when you chose to be, but more often you were quieter and a bit hard to read. But after having a few classes with you, I remember thinking that you were pretty awesome. And now, added to my list of "what ifs and why-didn't-I" from high school, I wish I'd gotten to know you better then. As for "HUGE", you may have felt that way then, or project that onto your former self now, but I certainly don't think everyone else looked at you as "HUGE" or "fat". I didn't.
Who you were (or who you think you were) in high school is not who you are now. That person was a launching pad for who you are today--sometimes we can still fit in the outline of that person and that's a good thing, and sometimes we shed that person entirely without looking back.
I hope you know deep down that your prom experience won't reflect your relationship status for the rest of your life. You will be THAT DUDE in someone's life, undoubtedly. And whoever that person is will be grateful for your prom experience, because it helped shape you into who you are.
That being said, I certainly understand wishing things had been different. My biggest "regrets" are from things I DIDN'T do, rather than mistakes I actually made. So I hear ya. :)
...but what do I know, I was an idiot in high school (and possibly still am!)
Hey Phil. You're a really great writer dude. Well crafted.
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