She Makes Me Smile: My Love Affair with Audrey Hepburn

Who is this other woman that captured my heart and will not let it go, you ask? I really don't know, because SHE isn't in my life...yet...!

I am not afraid to admit that I believe in, what I call, "Equal Opportunity". In my search for a boss lady, I will not discriminate by skin colour. Just because she was born different doesn't mean she still can't be the one. So you can understand why if you ask me "Do I like Audrey Hepburn?", my brain would say "YEAH!", but I would smile and say "Yes."

I really don't know what it is about her that makes me smile. I picture a rose that isn't in full bloom, so it is springtime. You can see the flower taking shape, and you can see the potential, but you also want to protect it. So, you remove the thirsty weeds, the choking thorns, and the burdensome rocks, and then you tend the soil so the flower has plenty room to grow. Of course, you can overdo things and overwater it because you're an impatient goofball that doesn't know the first thing about gardening! Nevertheless, when you do everything you can to protect the flower you find she is the one protecting you.

Guys like BIG TIME ROSES; we do, I guess. We want BIG TIME ROSES all the time, but at some point BIG TIME ROSES slow down or burn out because of our negligence or improper care of the BIG TIME ROSE (Writing this is incredibly awkward for me). Sometimes other guys want the same BIG TIME ROSE because the BIG TIME ROSE is so BIG TIME ROSE! Then we get upset because our BIG TIME ROSE is being too BIG TIME ROSE for other guys...? Where am I going with this?
I guess what I am trying to say is, while I might want BIG TIME ROSES, I need a SAFE ROSE. Someone who is patient with my goofball gardening skills, thoughtful enough to give me a nice warm mug of lemon tea on a chilly March evening when I least suspect it (we get chills in Canada), and loves to bring JOY to others in the pure sense of the word. Sure, she likes to have fun, and could be BIG TIME ROSE to me all the time, if she wanted to, but her beauty lies in her style, grace and character...like a SAFE BIG TIME ROSE (Does any of that make sense? I hope so, or I'm going to lose my Blogspot account, and four billion women are going to tackle me at once!)

Dear "JULIA"

No one knows this about me, but I meant to upload this open letter for...(Phil counts on fingers)...two years now. Although she is long gone now, I'm going to call her "JULIA" for the purpose of this post. I wrote this on paper years ago, typed it out, edited it as best I could recently, and decided to upload it anyway.

Dear "JULIA",

When we met you were a trainee at the local grocery store, and I was HUGE. In the checkout lane you gave me a cheerful "Hello", which was not what I expected as most of the clerks gave looks similar to this -_- and spoke like robots. I responded with "HI!", which did more than spook everyone within earshot ^_^ As time passed, our friendship grew to the point where we could exchange funny looks and other glances in the aisles of the grocery store, and we could talk for a bit when we weren't in the Express aisle. I enjoyed those times very much.

I'll never forget the time I showed up at the store BALD. You walked right beside me, and glanced at my head. I think your face looked like this o_O In hindsight, I realized nothing I have in my closet goes with BALD, so I doubt I will be BALD again. Nevertheless, your priceless reaction to my BALD look will remain in my memory. I remember each time you dyed your hair ^_^ You looked pretty, and in some instances I would also say, albeit under my breath, "more so" to your stinkin' attractiveness (Stinkin' attractiveness? What was I saying? o_O)

My biggest regret about our friendship was my obvious weight problem. During the time we met, my weight neared 272 pounds, and showed no signs of stopping. I was buying anything that tasted good, and almost never anything healthy much less green. You were alarmed at that, and regularly commented how I should try healthier stuff like fruit and veggies; however, I didn't pay attention to your advice. One time, I did buy plums, but that was just to get you off my back; I didn't mean to eat healthy at the time, but if it made you happy then I guess it wouldn't hurt.

Then, as time passed into 2007 (?), when I was 257 lbs., I stopped seeing you around. I was hesitant at first, but when I asked one of the newer clerks about you, she said you quit. Needless to say, I was crushed, and I didn't have a chance to say thank you and goodbye. What I miss most about you is your genuine concern for my health. With the challenge laid before me, and the support of friends and family, I decided to do something about it. I gave up McDonald's, public transportation, and even signedup/quit a gym to work out alone (long story -_-), but in four months of trying I shrank to 210 lbs.

I'm hovering around 200 pounds now, avoiding chowing down massive amounts of junk food in one sitting, eating properly, and getting exercise during the summer months. I also took to baseball (another long story); do you like baseball, too? However, there isn't a year that goes by when I don't think about how HUGE I was then, and how GREAT a friend you were to me. There aren't enough words to describe how much I miss your friendship, and how much I appreciate everything that you did for me. I hope the years are good to you out there, and I hope you found whatever you were looking for. I really do miss you, and while seeing you again would be AWESOME, I have faith you are doing great wherever you are. God bless you and keep you, "JULIA"; thank you for getting me started ^_^

Your friend, wherever you are,
Phil Wood

So You're Creepy... o_O

According to an online magazine survey, I am 'creepy' o_O Not a psychopath, just 'creepy'. At first, such a label would illicit a similarly 'creepy' response (i.e. angry outburst of defiance followed by open threats to throw the computer, which you are using, out the nearest window). However, if I take specific examples of things I did, then perhaps the 'creepy' label fits the bill?

1. Out of the blue, you write really long, soul searching, thought provoking emails about your life story to friends who are hardly prepared to receive that kind of information, and don't really know you. Either they end up in the online 'junk' folder, or come back to haunt you should you ever run for public office. Please don't creep out potential good friends with ultra-personal information you don't want anyone else to know o_O As Bill Cosby would say, "it's just pure de-wrong!"


2. If it's a stupid idea, then you are smart for not doing it. Many times, I neglected this advice, and many more times ended up paying for it. Think everything through seven times, if it scores 9/7 in stupidity, then it is...stupid.


3. I write Word documents on how to meet people. These would be helpful, if I wasn't the only one reading them. It turns your thoughts inward, lacks common sense, and shuns proper advice from your mentors.


4. There is no "Creep-Check" in Facebook. Think of how you would feel if someone wrote what you are about to send; if your answer is anything like 'bad' or 'awful' or 'angry', don't send it!

Now, if only I can apply this to my list of things to do, then I can bring down my creep score on this survey. In the meantime, I'll stay off Facebook for a little while longer... o_O

JOSHUA SELLER! XD

One of my favourite musicians, Joshua Seller, made it on YouTube! Well, he was on YouTube for awhile, but that was before I launched the "Just Phil" blog. I found this online:



I know this guy, too, and he is really down to earth and friendly. His story is very uplifting and inspiring; be sure to check out iTunes and the InterWeb for Joshua Seller music and information ^_^

Everyone loves a WEDDING

I resolve to drink a shot of soda pop for every reference made to the late "Princess Diana" during the wedding ceremony Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Well, maybe orange juice. I would need to wake up rather early -_- zzz...

Moment of Weakness REVISITED

An Apology

Umm... If I sounded a little strange yesterday, then it is because of my lifelong problem. I deleted the previous post since the purpose of it was to remedy my anger and frustration over this issue, and it didn't exactly do that. As a Monday morning quarterback, you think things through and realize what you said isn't you speaking. So, with that said, I apologize for losing control like that. I can't promise it will not happen again, because it is bound to happen at least 50 more times. I just hope you will be patient with me. Hmm, Epic Meal Time has a new video out...

What Makes Me Laugh, Part 4 (BONUS) :D

Cold Hard Look: The "Is-ness" of Life

Almost everyone in high school was 'pairing off' and being a couple. You could tell who was with who: The longing looks, holding hands, secret handshakes, 'dates', prom shenanigans, etc. In all but a few cases, however, there would be just as many breakups. Of course, being what I thought was a 'Christian', if I thought, said, and did the 'right things', all the while act like I didn't need it, then 'my reward' would come soon enough.

She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes... (I used to like that song; maybe I still do?)

Of course, nothing happened. In spite of everything I did 'right', which was 'not do the wrong thing', no girl outside my family cared in THAT way. In all the disappointment I felt, I believed I was being punished in some small way for not getting it 'right', and therefore I wasn't 'good enough' to be loved THAT way.

I couldn't see the forest for the trees in the matter. I was too immature, and like most kids my age I didn't know what I wanted. In high school, there was always a class leaving for university, so every year there was another always an older class of students leaving. If I had a relationship in high school, I'm pretty sure I would wreck it in some way, and in the case of 'almost relationships' I usually did 'wreck' them by being (a) stupid, (b) stupid & broke, or (c) stupid & fat. However, I didn't want to see the truth; I wanted to be 'happy', so like the cartoon I went after things that made me 'happy'.

No, my name isn't Huey, but this is an example of what life was like outside of high school: Food, video games, FUN FUN FUN! If there was difficulty, or when the girl I asked to the PROM said she had to wash her hair that night (her eventual date to the PROM said he had a great time), I quenched my appetites with a Nintendo 64, a plethora of video games, Delissio Pizza, 4 litres of cranberry soda, and hours to kill until I was blue in the face. When I realized what I was doing to my body I was ridiculously overweight, and with more questions than answers about my worth. In spite of this, I kept trying to do the 'right' thing, even if I didn't think it mattered anymore.

Many years later, I know Jesus paid the price for my sin, and trying to apply his saving grace into everything I do is the mission. The mission is easier now that I'm back in shape again, in spite of all the time lost to obesity, God gave me a new lease on life. Now, I was never a boy scout, and it is difficult today to keep this perspective on a daily basis, yet I know the cause to which I am fighting for.

Which begs the question: What about your attempts at relationships, and finding a boss, er, gal? I'm twenty-something and no woman ever said YES to that relationship question when I asked them. I can't use the 'twenty-something' age much longer, so to be 'zero-for-zero' for an entire generation moves from a stage of my life, into the 'is-ness' of my life. Do I lack the same maturity now as I did in high school, and therefore remain a loner? I hope not, but I can only see loneliness, not as 'part of the way things are', but as 'being Phil Wood'.I wish I had dreadlocks in high school; instead, I went BALD! That's a different story... ^_^