That's Not My Name

It doesn't take a PhD to know my name runs off the tongue. I knew this since I was eight years old, nevertheless it is a cross I was reluctant to carry. There were times when friends did this without malice in their hearts, and I could nitpick about every situation when this occurred and play the 'blame game', but on top of not having the time that is also not the point. The point is, whether maliciously or not, my name is easy to twist. I tried many things to overcome the jokes: Lashing out never worked, and ignoring it gave me ulcers.

Finally, going along with it and producing new twists seemed an amicable solution. However, behind closed doors there was no certainty in the acceptance I sought from my peers for going along with the jokes, and when you hear your name twisted at least once per week, every week, for twenty-three years, its effects are easy to see. If I didn't hear my name like that for one week, I thought I was on vacation. There are other people I know with the same name, and I never saw them flinch or get upset by it; maybe they did, but I could never understand why they didn't look upset by it. I thought I found acceptance in food, among other unhealthy things, and indulged in that to fill the voids in my life. It took topping the scales at 272 lbs six years ago to realize running to food was not the way.

Six years later, I found support in my God and the help of family and friends, yet the name twisting persists. There will always be jerks; I know this will never go away, and I will probably go to my grave hearing them a few more times. Nevertheless, I thought about writing such a blog for a long time:

1. Philip (Birth name, and what I write on tax documents)
   
2. Phil (I like this one)
   
3. Phil. Ip.
4. Phil-Town (I made this one. I don't know why; I thought I was being funny.)
5. Phil 'er up
6. Phil in
7. Phil in the blank
8. Phil in the middle
9. Phil up the cup and run
10. Philacious
11. Philadelphia
12. Philadelphia Cream Cheese
    
13. Phil and the Phillies
14. Phil of the Philadelphia Phillies
15. Phil likes the Phillies aka Phil the Phillies' fan
16. Phil of the Philippines
17. Philipino
18. Philipino Phil
    
19. Philament
20. Philanderer
21. Philanthropist
22. Philanthropy
    
23. Philly
24. Philly bop
25. Philly bop, Philly boo
26. Phillacious
27. Phil-isms (I made this one, too. Someone was bound to, regardless.)
28. Re-Phil
29. Wonderphil
30. Masterphil
31. Philip Mike (don't ask)
32. Phillip Onel (Explaining to a tax worker how to spell my name)
33. Phlip
34. Flip
35. Phanimal: Half Phil, half animal
36. (PH)ailure
37. (PH)allout
38. (PH)antastic
39. WT(PH)
40. (In suffix form) -philiac
41. Phil's Book: Philippians
42. Philippians: The Book of Phils
43. Philster
44. Philsta
45. Philistine
46. Philistine Phil
    
47. Philistia
48. Phantastic
49. Philippi
50. Philippa
51. Philippe
    
52. Phil & Lil
53. Dill Phil
54. Philliwack
55. Philabuster
56. Philburg
57. Philipsburg
58. Phillikins
59. Phillian

I don't know if anyone knows what goes through the body of a person receiving name twists like these week after week. Ask any person who knew me long enough to know I'm not the same person as before, and that is both good and bad. Stuff like this hurts, but I am sure I am guilty of doing the same thing to someone else. Please let me know and I will stop it; as for right now I am unable to recall doing it to someone for a prolonged period of time, so I apologize in advance.

Anyway, there you have it: 57 names, one for taxes, and only one I like.