Halloween and the Loner

I never had both. I was too young, and then I was too old.

Every year in grade school, the kids went above and beyond in their preparations for the Big Day: Anti-Christmas aka Halloween. Kids decorating the classroom with fake cobwebs, white sheets on the chairs, black pointed hats on the coat racks, and orange jugs of candy EVERYWHERE. Conversation would arise about what each kid would wear for the Big Day: Witch, ghost, princess, baseball player, witch, princess, hockey player, princess, Confederate soldier (don't ask), princess, soccer player, princess, and so on. Finally, it was my turn to tell the world my Big Day surprise; the class of about thirty were on the edge of their seats in eager anticipation of what I would say in that circle, and to everyone's surprise I would not wear a costume.

It wasn't a surprise, really. My family was "odd" that way: We were Christians, and Halloween was not worth "celebrating". If October 31st was a weekday, my sisters and I had the day off not because we were sick, but because our parents knew what the school planned for the day and would not allow for us to participate. The most we did was hand out candy on Halloween Night, and we had the reputation of being HIP and funny.

Now that I am older, my parents left it up to me to decide if Halloween is worth celebrating, and while I was left out of the party I studied the history of Halloween to find out what the Big Day was about. The attraction was the candy, the costumes, and the ghost stories I learned about as a kid. The history comes from pagans believing spirits would dish out calamity or "tricks" unless you gave them "treats" as they travelled from door to door the day before "All Saints' Day" on November 1st. When I discovered this, I realized I wasn't crazy! My parents had a good reason for keeping me out of the Halloween hype! However, this came at a price.

Why am I writing this blog right now knowing my friends are out there having a good time, regardless of what day it is? Why am I dressed head to toe in my light blue Adidas track suit in my room, when my friends are dressed head to toe in various costumes partying the night away? Why am I asking open-ended rhetorical questions to finish my blog? Who got the treat, and who was tricked?

That's Not My Name

It doesn't take a PhD to know my name runs off the tongue. I knew this since I was eight years old, nevertheless it is a cross I was reluctant to carry. There were times when friends did this without malice in their hearts, and I could nitpick about every situation when this occurred and play the 'blame game', but on top of not having the time that is also not the point. The point is, whether maliciously or not, my name is easy to twist. I tried many things to overcome the jokes: Lashing out never worked, and ignoring it gave me ulcers.

Finally, going along with it and producing new twists seemed an amicable solution. However, behind closed doors there was no certainty in the acceptance I sought from my peers for going along with the jokes, and when you hear your name twisted at least once per week, every week, for twenty-three years, its effects are easy to see. If I didn't hear my name like that for one week, I thought I was on vacation. There are other people I know with the same name, and I never saw them flinch or get upset by it; maybe they did, but I could never understand why they didn't look upset by it. I thought I found acceptance in food, among other unhealthy things, and indulged in that to fill the voids in my life. It took topping the scales at 272 lbs six years ago to realize running to food was not the way.

Six years later, I found support in my God and the help of family and friends, yet the name twisting persists. There will always be jerks; I know this will never go away, and I will probably go to my grave hearing them a few more times. Nevertheless, I thought about writing such a blog for a long time:

1. Philip (Birth name, and what I write on tax documents)
   
2. Phil (I like this one)
   
3. Phil. Ip.
4. Phil-Town (I made this one. I don't know why; I thought I was being funny.)
5. Phil 'er up
6. Phil in
7. Phil in the blank
8. Phil in the middle
9. Phil up the cup and run
10. Philacious
11. Philadelphia
12. Philadelphia Cream Cheese
    
13. Phil and the Phillies
14. Phil of the Philadelphia Phillies
15. Phil likes the Phillies aka Phil the Phillies' fan
16. Phil of the Philippines
17. Philipino
18. Philipino Phil
    
19. Philament
20. Philanderer
21. Philanthropist
22. Philanthropy
    
23. Philly
24. Philly bop
25. Philly bop, Philly boo
26. Phillacious
27. Phil-isms (I made this one, too. Someone was bound to, regardless.)
28. Re-Phil
29. Wonderphil
30. Masterphil
31. Philip Mike (don't ask)
32. Phillip Onel (Explaining to a tax worker how to spell my name)
33. Phlip
34. Flip
35. Phanimal: Half Phil, half animal
36. (PH)ailure
37. (PH)allout
38. (PH)antastic
39. WT(PH)
40. (In suffix form) -philiac
41. Phil's Book: Philippians
42. Philippians: The Book of Phils
43. Philster
44. Philsta
45. Philistine
46. Philistine Phil
    
47. Philistia
48. Phantastic
49. Philippi
50. Philippa
51. Philippe
    
52. Phil & Lil
53. Dill Phil
54. Philliwack
55. Philabuster
56. Philburg
57. Philipsburg
58. Phillikins
59. Phillian

I don't know if anyone knows what goes through the body of a person receiving name twists like these week after week. Ask any person who knew me long enough to know I'm not the same person as before, and that is both good and bad. Stuff like this hurts, but I am sure I am guilty of doing the same thing to someone else. Please let me know and I will stop it; as for right now I am unable to recall doing it to someone for a prolonged period of time, so I apologize in advance.

Anyway, there you have it: 57 names, one for taxes, and only one I like.

Airborne: Remembering Lindsay

Isn't it rich? Aren't we a pair? Me here at last on the ground, and you in mid-air.

I last saw Lindsay Tamminga in person seven years ago. Our church youth group went to AIRBORNE trampoline place to the west of Erin Mills, and when it was her turn to bounce on the trampoline she jumped really high. She leapt so high that she almost touched the ceiling! This was incredible when you consider she was a few feet shorter than me, and I couldn't reach that high.

If you ever saw her smile, then you know how much you felt like smiling, too. If you were standing in the corner of the room, she would make you a part of the group discussion; if it was me though, she would order me to contribute, and most of time I would.

Before she quit Facebook because it was "time-consuming", we would chat a little bit about our life and times. From her pictures, she seemed very happy with her family and her friends. I remember getting a notice of uploaded pictures of her trip with friends up to Wasaga beach, and looking at a girl enjoying a small paper plate of french fries and wondering how happy she must seem. Just like that girl at Airborne so many years before. I remembered another picture of her with her family at the LAC in Mississauga. Family was always important to her, and she did not mind showing off her cool parents. Her dad rode into the church parking lot one night on his motorcycle, and I remember being very, VERY afraid of him. She was low-key about the motorcycle, and she said there was nothing to be afraid of. I took her advice and before the night was through I was able to talk to Mr. Tamminga about motorcycle stuff. She even had a red motorcycle jacket; I thought it was neat.

If there is something I learned from her is that independence is nothing without family. Friends are good, too, but the best friends should be part of your family as well. It is important to remember how precious each moment must be, and why we never forget where we come from as we move forward. I doubt I will ever meet someone like her again, but I hope I will someday, and she will still be wearing that patented smile.

To the family and friends of Lindsay Tamminga, who knew her best, I send my heartfelt condolences. Words cannot adequately express how sorrowful I am about the news of Lindsay's departure. My family and I continue to have you in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.